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Beware of the Razor - Warning: Blood Print E-mail
 
on 06-01-2008

Views : 12118

Favoured : 96


jun_0007_large.jpg The Razor scooter, a child's best friend for many years! They go zipping up and down sidewalks, streets, and parking lots looking for places just steep enough for a sweet jump or a fast and smooth ride. Days are spent cruising around the neighborhood picking up friends along the way who are desperate to try that one last trick that they were unable to land the night before. Dinner is ready and all the moms and dads are calling for the return of their kids before the street lights come on. There will always be tomorrow.

  As a child I spent most of my youth jumping bikes off of ramps made of plywood and bricks, riding my skateboard off of curbs, steps, and sometimes just straight into the creek. A Razor scooter was not something we had growing up in the 1970's, at least not in my neighborhood. We had Big Wheels, dirt bikes, and skateboards. 

Last night there was a Razor scooter accident on our street. It was pretty ugly and thankfully nobody was seriously injured since the person who was hurt was NOT wearing a helmet or pads, and was sporting open-toed sandals. It was a recipe for disaster. 

My son's Razor scooter sat there in front of our neighbors' house begging for a rider. Staring at me. After about a minute I couldn't take the pressure of the call it was beckoning so I picked it up, adjusted the handlebars as high as they would go, and spun it around.

"I wonder if I can ride this thing?" I thought to myself as I threw my left foot on the board and headed down the driveway. 

I didn't even have the chance to mutter, "OH ****!" after I had cruised six feet down the little slope of their driveway and the scooter hit a crack between the concrete and the asphalt in the street.  My body went flying over the handle bars and suddenly I was heading face first into the road! Unable to reverse my course while the asphalt approached in slow-motion, I stuck out my hands in hopes of saving my teeth from being shoved down my throat. It worked.

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When you are a kid, young and resilient to all things painful and crazy, taking a header over the handlebars is not so bad. Kids bounce back, I know I did. But when you are 35 years old and flip over the handlebars onto the pavement, it's less exciting than it is a badge of honor.

I smacked the ground pretty hard. It was if I said to my neighbor, "Hey, want to watch me take a flying leap into the street? I'll get a running start here at the bumper of your truck and do my best swan dive!"

Except that would be a stupid idea. Oh, wait...this  was a stupid idea. The Razor even warns against things of this nature.

jun_0029_large.jpg

Exercise caution and common sense when riding? Well, that's no fun! Do not ride on sloped area? Huh? That's boring!

When I finally landed my almost perfect 10, I immediately picked my silly ass up off the street and held my curse words under my breath. The kids were all watching in awe (probably because they couldn't believe I pulled off that awesome trick) and I didn't want to teach them any new four-letter words. 

As I made my way to the neighbors' yard I saw  blood on my knee, which I was not surprised to see.

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What I noticed after that was really interesting.

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I'm sure you all think that looks like a piece of bacon ready to cook in a well-seasoned cast iron skillet. Well, you are half right. It is a cast iron skillet but that's the skin from my big toe that I ripped off when I got home to wash the blood off my foot. I swear it did not go into the breakfast tacos I made this morning. That's right. I'm hard core enough to make breakfast tacos the morning after wiping out like Tony Hawk! Here is proof that it is not bacon. You can match up the lines with the area missing from here. 

may_0451_large.jpg
 

So consider this post a Public Service Announcement for all the kids and parents out there. Do not ride your scooter without a helmet, pads, and the correct shoes. And don't ride a Razor scooter if you are over the age of 30. Those things are meant for kids who have a way of bouncing of the pavement much better than we adults can.

 






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Display 8 of 8 comments

1. 06-01-2008

How about Warning: Extreme Toe Close-up!?
Guest, IP: 75.67.11.60
PG

2. 06-01-2008

Dude, you bring a whole new meaning to extreme dad!
Guest, IP: 76.100.140.103
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)

3. 06-02-2008

You didn't wipe out like tony hawk....... he's smart enough to wear protection! :grin
Guest, IP: 68.15.32.239
Ben Jacobsen

4. 06-02-2008

Who do you think you are? Tony Hawk?! 
 
:grin
Registered, IP: 70.244.206.86

5. 06-02-2008

Common sense?!? That's priceless!
Registered, IP: 69.208.87.229

6. 06-02-2008

Breakfast tacos, huh? I might need to try that.  
 
Sans the pre night self-mutilation and humility exercises of course.
Registered, IP: 24.166.231.72

7. 06-02-2008

True to form, I LMAO reading this post. Thanks for the entertainment. Those Razors are deadly; I've had many a cracked shin from trying to simply move the thing in the garage!
Guest, IP: 209.62.169.58
Half-Past Kissin' Time

8. 06-04-2008

8) This comment system looks...familiar. What's next? New chat system perhaps? You're on your way kid. LOL Dude, common sense? What is that anyway?
Guest, IP: 68.55.142.135
» 
Joe

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