This is an article first publlished on Quirkee.com in June of 2006 when my daughter was only 6 months old. I thought it might be a good time to run it here. Enjoy!
I’m going to make this the only article about poop. Let’s get the poop out of the way.
There is a common practice among our species to pass along your
baby/toddler clothing once your child has outgrown them. This is a
wonderful thing as clothes are expensive and babies grow out of them so
fast! We are fortunate to have a few friends and family with children
that were born in the same season as ours so we have a ton of nice baby
outfits. I have often wondered, “How do these clothes not have any poop
stains on them?” I know stain remover works pretty well, but can it
really be that good?
At least two times a week our daughter poops out her diaper and up her
back. This, of course, soaks her cute little flowery pink outfit with
poop. I have heard it said many times that breastfed baby’s poop is not
bad. Yea, right. It still comes out of a human body and it’s not cute
when it gets on their clothes. Don’t get me wrong, my baby girl wiped
poop on her face one day and she was as cute as ever. She was, not the
poop she streaked across her cheek.
When her clothes get pooped on I immediately rinse them off and spray
at least 1/4 bottle of stain remover on them. The more the better!
After they are washed they look as good as new. This freaks me out and
makes me realize why passing along clothing is not a common occurrence
in adulthood. I think this is why…
Joe: “Hey Mike! I can’t wear these shorts anymore because I’ve outgrown them. Would you like them?”
Mike: “Umm, yea I guess so. Have you ever pooped on them?”
Joe: “Just twice, but I used a bunch of Shout and washed them real good.”
Mike: “Sweet! I’ve been wanting another pair of khaki’s. Thanks!”
This would never happen in a million years. I don’t care how desperate
you are for another pair of khaki’s. If your friend admitted to pooping
in his pants you wouldn’t go near those shorts with a ten-foot pole.
The poop question is never asked when children’s clothing is passed
around. I think it’s because nobody wants to keep a running tally of
just how many times it has occurred, but it is safe to assume that the
clothes were indeed pooped on at least twice. I guess it is no big
deal. Nobody ever asks when you give them back how many times they were
pooped on, and nobody seems to care as long as the stain remover worked
it’s magic. This pass-along clothing deal is a great thing, but don’t
expect me to take any size 33 waist shorts from any of you guys out
there. That’s just gross. I will take a cool t-shirt if it doesn’t fit
you, though. You can be sure I will ask if you ever barfed on it.
I hope you have enjoyed the one and only poop story I will write for
this column. And in case you were not counting, I used the word “poop”
17 times. Now you can get back to eating your lunch.
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