The other day we were driving along in my truck when my wife looked
around and said, "Have you just totally given up? This truck is a
mess!" It isn't really a mess, just littered with random little toys,
preschool art projects that haven't made it inside yet, at least one
sippy cup that may have milk in it but I'm too afraid to look, and my
wife's gum wrappers that for some reason don't make it into the trash
tray.
I used to keep the inside of my cars clean and empty. This was not
necessarily because I am a Virgo, but because my dogs would travel in
the car with me to the park a lot and would tear things up. I also had
a few cars that a lock didn't work on so I kept them clean and empty to
keep thieves away.
The truck cleanliness is only one of the things my wife wonders if I've given up on. In a past article
I mentioned my laundry basket arrangement. In case you don't remember,
I proposed to her that we just live out of our laundry baskets instead
of wasting time folding our clothes. We could use that saved time for
more important things like catching up on the shows recorded on our
DVR. My "no folding" idea spilled over into the kitchen towel drawer
and now I just shove a pile of towels in it. This makes the hair on her
neck stand up when she opens the drawer. She proceeds to fold them
while asking me again if I have totally given up. We use them almost as
fast as she folds them so I don't see the point. They all fit in the
drawer in a pile and in five minutes half of them will be covered in
food, barf, or spilled milk.
There is one thing that I admit to have totally given up on. I have
accepted the fact that I will never again have a full head of hair. I
refuse to use any type of hair growth stimulator and the thought of
wearing a toupee someday makes me laugh. So I gave up and shaved my
melon.
When it comes to other things like my collections of stuff (piles of
crap if you ask my wife), I have to stand my ground. Some of our
closets contain boxes of memories that we have been moving around for
years. I'm sentimental, what can I say? And the junk drawer holds items
that we need! She has threatened to dump it in the trash many times
when I'm not looking. I keep telling her some of that stuff is worth
keeping - to which she replies, "Like what?" I start pulling things out
to show her and realize that I'm not even sure what it is.
"I know it goes to something, but what is it? I'll find out and if we don't need it then you can throw it away," I say.
"Oh, just give up," she tells me.
I can't. Getting rid of it all may require a therapist.
My father in-law, son, and I are playing golf tomorrow at the Harvey Penick Golf Campus - home of The First Tee of Greater Austin. It's a 9 hole course with par 3's and 4's, so it will be fun for all of us. My son loves golf as much as the rest of the family and at 5 years old he has a mean swing.
Like my Grandpa always said - "It's a great day for golf!"
Check out what's on Quirkee.com this week! Comedy at the tiniest bar in
Texas, your annoying neighbors, the Wrigley Field Experience, philosophy on
aging, and so much more. You know what time it is... It's Quirkee time!
The Cellphone and the Damage
Done I have become convinced that my cell phone and my
cocktails are conspiring against me. Taken by themselves they are both harmless
and even useful. If I talk to people on the phone while sober, I
d... Read More
>>
I Throw Rocks? Your
neighbors - they can be your best friends or your worst enemies. They can even
be total strangers to you, which may, sometimes, be for the best. I never really
understood what it was like to ... Read More >>
The Wrigley Field
Experience When it comes to baseball, I cheer for three teams:
the Texas Rangers, the Houston Astros and whoever is playing the
New York Yankees... ba da bump bump. I'm kidding; the
team I cheer for when the A... Read More >>
A Philosophy on Aging As I
was getting my hair cut recently I looked down at the tufts of silver hair on
the barber's bib and thought in disgust, "They could have shaken that old man's
hair off before they put this thin... Read More >>
Don't Do the Math I
remember when my medicine chest was full of fun stuff like perfume, eyeliner,
and Rolling Stones concert tickets I was hiding from my parents. Today though,
it's mostly full of lotions and crea... Read More >>
Operation Laughter
Complete To Whom It May Concern: Happy Independence Day from
GuantanamoBay! Tonight, the
folks in charge of pyrotechnics get to strut their stuff! I am here with three
other comics, and as of our third... Read More >>
The Rules of the Game Is
it better to challenge convention or embrace it? This question was at the core
of a spirited argument I had recently with a close friend. We were discussing a
film we had both seen that enc... Read More >>
